Austin Knights funny page

Austin Knights. One of the UK’s top comedians make UK Cabaret readers chuckle.
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up. What with walking ten miles to school every morning uphill, barefoot, both ways? How could it be uphill both ways? And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in the world that I was going to wax lyrical, whining like that to my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it.
But now that I’m over the ripe old age of 50, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. Life is a doddle! I mean, compared to my childhood, they are domiciled in the land of milk and honey. Although I abhor saying it, but the young ‘uns of today are blissfully unaware of how good they’ve got it.
Furthermore, when I was a kid we didn’t have the internet. If we wanted to know something we had to go to the local library and look it up ourselves.
There was no email. We had to actually write to somebody a letter on foolscap paper – with a pen. Then you had a schlep all the way up to Scropton Street and put it in the pillar box and it would take over a week to get to its eventual destination, namely, the far pavilions of Levenshulme. Stamps were tuppence apiece.
Moreover, Social Services didn’t give a rat’s hoo-haa if our parents gave us an ‘ear warmer’. As a matter of face, the parents of all my friends also had permission to wallop us round the napper. There was no hiding place.
There were none of them there iPods, iPhones, iTunes gubbins. You had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and that Tony Blackburn would usually talk over the beginning and ruin it with one of his jokes. Neither were there CD players or iPods. We didn’t have any state-of-the-art Sony Play station or X-Box 360 video games with high-resolution 3D graphics. We had the Commodore 64, with games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. Your guy was a little square. You actually had to use your imagination. And there were no multiple levels or screens. It was just one screen that was forever. You could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died. Just like life itself!
You had to use a magazine called the TV Times to find out what was on telly. You couldn’t do channel surfing, not with just two channels. You had to get off your derriere and walk over to the TV to change the channel. It was BBC or ITV and no remote control. End of rant!
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