The Great Musician in the Sky

Just like a certain character in Top Gear, the identity of Great Musician in the Sky will never be revealed. This is the first in the series of contributions by this man of mystery.
Welcome, my fellow performers.
All you musicians and acts, solos, duos, bands, git-voxes, comics, even drummers and road crew, you are all my precious charges. It is my obligation to care for you, and everything you do. It is a divine duty that I accept unconditionally and willingly.
The Great Musician is everywhere and he sees and hears everything. In fact, he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good …. (copyright infringement, I won’t tell you again – ed)
Example; Remember the gig at Acklam Garden City club? 3 long sets, 3 tabs and a defibrillator-resistant audience? You had an impulse to put your last quid in the Chairman’s favourite fruit machine and hit the jackpot? This was the Great Musician at work. Neat, huh?
Over the following issues, I will share with you many of the showbiz-related experiences in which I found myself a participant. Whether humorous, embarrassing or cringe worthy, often bordering on the unbelievable but true.
And if by chance you find yourself featured in one or more of these tales, the libel laws might protect your identity, but The Great Musician can’t help it if his followers figure it out. To quote Mrs Brown ……. “That’s nice.”
Saint Cecilia is generally but mistakenly, acknowledged as the patron saint of musicians. Wikipedia says;
“When the time came for her marriage to be consummated, Cecelia told her husband, that she had an angel watching over her who would punish him if he dared to violate her virginity. Her ultimate trial was the threat of death, either she rescinds her beliefs or get stoned”.
THE GREAT MUSICIAN translates:
Her husband said “c’mon love, have a couple of tokes on this monster spliff; then pretend you’re at the seaside, and it’s a stick of rock …”.
More pearls of wisdom next month.